Parenting Panel Unanswered Questions

On March 26th, at the end of the series "Families For Dummies" we held a "Family Panel" with several couples poised to answer questions submitted from our church family. We could not get to all the questions, so here are brief answers to the unanswered questions that were text-ed in for the panel. If you have additional questions please contact me and we can set an appointment for further information.

God bless

Pastor Dave

How do you handle it when you child constantly questions your authority?

When children challenge your authority, they are usually testing you to see how far they can go. Dr. James Dobson says, “Children are constantly trying to determine where the boundaries are.”  You are the one who sets the boundaries; therefore they will continually test the boundaries you set, making you feel that they are challenging your authority. Your job? REMAIN STEADFAST! You are the one God is using to shape their lives. Don’t give up. It may feel like a constant losing battle, but it’s not. It will pay off in the long run… hopefully shorter! J

Please, explain the importance behind eating family meals together.

Short answer: UNITY! It provides a regular opportunity to decompress life events comfortably around the dinner table. Many important subjects crop up in the context of the comfort of a relaxed dinner together. This may be one of the best opportunities to get to know your children, their friends that are invited over, and for them to have your dedicated attention. It also provides unbelievable opportunities for teaching and training.

Why is it better to spank with an object rather than a hand?

You never want your children to shy away from your touch. The problem with spanking with the hand is it’s the best instrument for a loving touch. With it you stroke their face, rib their back, and hold them close to you. It is an instrument of love, not discipline.

How do you keep kids from overtaking your marriage in a negative way?

Remember your children are not the reason you got married. You got married because you love your spouse and you want to share the rest of your life with them. Therefore, you need to develop the discipline to make sure you spend time as a married couple investing in your relationship and into each other. Your job in parenting is to provide for your children, grow them up in the disciplines of the Lord, and equip them for life, so you can send them out adequately equipped to live on their own. Too many couples devote so much time on child rearing that they lose touch with each other and they lose their focus. This is a difficult discipline! Make it a priority, if you don’t, your children will squeeze everything out of you and you will have nothing left for each other. And when the kids leave you will wake up one day and look at each other as strangers. Don’t let that happen!

How do you handle having two different ideas of discipline in between two parents?

It takes unifying compromise. It makes sense; you come from different families, different backgrounds, different styles of family and how you were treated. Your job as adults with children is to sit down and talk about your experiences and willingly work through how the two of you will discipline your children. Sometimes this requires an outside “mediator” to help you think through it unemotionally. So if needed get some help! Where? A respected mature couple whom you both agree on, a Christian Counselor, pastor, and possibly your parents. Whatever you decide on, it must be mutual and unified!

What are some practical ways that a man can keep from resigning all of the parenting responsibility to their wife?

I am assuming that this is the wife asking this question. It takes a dedicated conversation, or many conversations. Determining responsibility in parenting is always a result of communication, compromise, and consideration. Unfortunately many men think of parenting as a woman’s job, Not according to the Bible! IN Ephesians 6:4 Paul instructs “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” That seems pretty clear, God expects Dads to be radically involved in the parenting process. Sometimes, it takes some good counsel from a respected man to help a dad understand this responsibility. Don’t sit at home and try to argue your husband into parenting, find someone who he respects and ask for their input.

Do you make your kids go to church? And if so, When do you stop making your kids go to church?

As long as your children are your responsibility, meaning they live under your roof and you pay the bills, absolutely! Remember it is your job to teach your children about God and to give them every opportunity to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. How is that going to happen if church is an option? If you don’t require them to attend church, it suggests that God is an option as well. Do you want to stand before God some day and say, “God, I’m sorry; my kids didn’t want to get up and go to church. I decided to let them find You on their own, and unfortunately when they didn’t.”

How do you decide how much freedom to give your kids?

It depends on how much freedom they earn. Freedom is earned through responsibility. The parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30 & Luke 19:12-27) is a good example of how to give out freedom. You give them small freedoms and see how they handle it, encourage them on how to use the freedom, and you reward the good use of freedom with additional appropriate freedoms.

How do you handle the adult handoff (when your kids are ready to spread their wings?)

If you have been properly preparing them to leave your home, it will be a natural part of the process. A significant key is: when they leave home, let them experience all the benefits and consequences of their decisions. If you save them every time they fail, you’re probably getting in the way of God’s natural process of growth and maturity. Both Paul and James wrote on how God grow us up. (Romans 5:3-5 & James 1:2-4)

When do you start encouraging them to spread their wings?

As soon as they are capable and ready. The earlier the better!

How do you resign authority without resigning influence?

Authority means you determine what they can and cannot do. Influence is providing suggestions without requirement. Your authority is limited to your responsibility. If you are no longer responsible (they are not living at home anymore) your authority has ended, but your influence should never end!  You prepare your children and yourself for this by teaching them to make good decisions, by offering simple options to your children whenever the opportunity arises. It starts simply: your children need new athletic shoes; so you go to the store and let them try on two different kinds of shoes that you choose. Then you give them a choice between the two. As they get older the choices and options become bigger and more diverse. This teaches them good decision making and it teaches them to allow you to offer opinions on more difficult issues as they grow up.

Totally Accepting and Totally Transforming!

What our world needs more than anything else is grace, not just talk about grace – but real grace, grace that seeks out people who are far from God and loves and accepts them just like God does.

We are working to create a culture at The River that is tolerant, loving, and accepting of people no matter what their background is, who or what they are, what they believe, or how they look or dress.

We strive to be completely loving and accepting…, just as God is, and just like God we will love people enough to help them be transformed into the image of His Son Jesus Christ.

In other words: come as you are; but once you know Jesus, don’t plan on staying that way!

Romans 12:2 (CEV) “Don’t be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasing to him”
Circle “let God change the way you think”

It’s God’s job to change people through the power of the Holy Spirit, not ours; and when God is ready to change a person, He will! Our job is to love them before, during, and after that happens!

No Perfect People.... Really?

Have you ever noticed how some people treat those who are different than they are?

· Those who have chosen to decorate their bodies with tattoos or piercings?
· How would you react to discover that the person sitting next to you in church was an alcoholic, a drug user, struggled with pornography, had an abortion, struggled with a sexual addiction or homosexuality, was living with someone they are not married to, or they had a prison record?
· How would you treat a Jew, a Mormon, an atheist, a Jehovah Witness, a Buddhist, a Muslim, Christian Scientist, a witch or a warlock?
· How about someone who is African American, Hispanic, Asian, Iraqi, Iranian, or Pakistani?
· What about a street person, a poor person, under privileged?
For years the church has turned away people who desperately need the love and acceptance that God offers. Instead they have condemned, criticized, and ostracized.

Or the church opened its arms to them and once they started attending or indicated that they were spiritually interested they dumped a bunch of rules and expectations on them and turned them off.

Part of the problem is the church has misunderstood part of the Great Commission.
Matthew 28:19-20 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

Some people think that teaching them to obey means that it’s our job to make people obey, to force obedience; often times forcing them to obey God even before they know God personally.

That’s not our job; that’s the job of the Holy Spirit!

So you have to ask yourself, what would Jesus do with the kind of people I just mentioned?

I know that sounds trite, but think about how Jesus treated the outcasts, the sick, the demon possessed, and the prostitutes. What did He do? HE LOVED THEM UNCONDITIONALLY!

He said in Matthew 11:28-30 (Msg) “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Jesus said the answer to life’s problems, burdens, and issues is to come to Him, lay them on Him, and learn to live freely and lightly. You can’t do that under rules and regulations!

He said I won’t put anything heavy or ill fitting on you who are already struggling; instead He says I will show you grace, I will give to you freely what you do not deserve! Forgiveness from their past, a purpose for today, and a future home in heaven!

If that’s what Jesus would do, then so should we! The question is how? How do we show grace to others, no matter what their background, problems, or issues are?

We do it just like Jesus. We tell people; just come as you are! There are no perfect people at The River in fact there are no perfect people allowed at The River. So come as you are!

God doesn’t expect us to change anything to come to Him. He just says come as you are, and when He says that He means:
· You don’t have to dress a certain way or look a certain way
· You don’t have to Act a certain way
· You don’t have to Fit a certain lifestyle
· You don’t have to give money
· It doesn’t matter what your religious background is, your class or your socio-economic position.
Jesus says come as you are! Bring your baggage, your issues, and your problems. God loves you just as you are and we should do the same!

In fact…At The River we are working diligently to create a come as you are culture.

So... come to the River Church... and come as you are! Our prayer is that when you come you will experience total acceptance and begin the process of transformation. (Romans 12:1-2)

Come back to God!

God has given us, the church, the responsibility of telling people about His love for them, His acceptance of them and His desire for them to spend eternity with Him in Heaven.

1 Corinthians 5:19 (NLT) “So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”

That’s our job! But how do we reach people with the good news of God’s love and acceptance when they are struggling with misconceptions of the church and their own personal struggles with acceptance, trust, brokenness, truth, and tolerance?

One word: GRACE!

Theologically grace is God giving us what we don’t deserve. In other words we don’t deserve forgiveness. We don’t deserve a purpose for our lives. We don’t deserve a future home in heaven. But God loves us and He gives it to us anyhow, that’s grace.

The church has always understood receiving the grace of God, what it has struggled with is extending personal grace to an undeserving world. It’s developed rules and regulations, expectations and standards; and it’s been very judgmental of people who don’t measure up.

It’s amazing to me is that those of us who have experienced the total acceptance and forgiveness and grace of God, that we did not deserve, do not offer that same grace to others; just like Jesus did.

Jesus was absolutely non-condemning. In fact the only time Jesus ever condemned anyone was when they were self-righteous and religiously pious! And that’s exactly what many non churched people think about the people in the church! They think the church is nothing but self-righteous and religiously pious people!

So let's change that! Let's give others the grace God has given to us. Let's love the unlovely, the hurting, the outcasts, the imperfect, the "normal" people, the less than cool crowd, the Hipsters, the old folks, the student's.... Let's love everyone just like Jesus loved us! 

When we love others as Jesus loved us, then we can extend our hand and say, Come back to God!

Sex is like a fish in a fish bowl.

Suppose you have a goldfish and he swims around his little fishbowl every day; happy and without a care. Then one day he notices that there is life beyond his fish bowl. He swims to the edge of the bowl and looks out and sees people, dogs, and cats that roam about freely, not restricted to living in the confines of a fish bowl. So he gets it in his little goldfish head that his fish bowl is a prison, it’s keeping him from experiencing everything that life has to offer. And he begins to dream of living free from the confines of his prison of a fish bowl.

One day he comes up with a plan to set himself free. He thinks, “If I can just get out of this crummy fish bowl I will experience a far greater life.” So he makes a plan to get out of the bowl. He begins some new swim lessons designed to help him to jump out of the water. He begins swimming laps to build up his strength so he can jump out of the water. 

He practices and practices until one day he finally thinks he is ready. He swims down to the very bottom of the fishbowl and flaps his little fins as hard as he can and swims with all his might to jump out of the bowl…. And he does it! He clears the water, he clears the edge of the bowl and he thinks to himself "I am free…. No more fish bowl, not more prison…" All the way down to the carpet where he lands with a thud. And as He lays there gasping for breath, slowly drying out, he finally admits to himself, I wish I was still in my fish bowl, and then he dies. 

The moral of the story: As long as the fish lived the way he was created to live, everything was fine. But the moment he went to live outside of that, he died. 

Like the goldfish you can enjoy sex outside of marriage for a moment, but there are significant consequences.  

God created sex. He said it was good. And He said I want you to enjoy it. But there’s a catch. I created it to be enjoyed between a husband and a wife, in marriage. 

The Tax Return Challenge!

Philippians 4:19 (NIV) “And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

This is God's promise to meet all your needs, Isn't that awesome? YES IT IS!

How do you claim this promise? For every promise God gives there is a premise. Last Sunday I explained the premises to the promise of God meeting all our needs. (click here to listen to last Sunday's podcast) For review sake here they are: God says if you will...
• Ask for my help
• Learn to be content with what you have
• Begin tithing
• Live with integrity in all your financial dealings
• Trust Jesus with all your heart
God says... I promise to meet ALL your needs!

For many of us the most difficult premise is to begin tithing. I really want you to experience God's blessings just like I do. Therefore, I challenge you to begin to give something, no matter what your financial standing is and watch God bless you. If you are unable to give 10% start with 3% or 5% and commit to buld up to 10% as God blesses.

Here's a challenge that will help you experience God's blessing. It's called The TAX RETURN CHALLENGE. Here's how it works: Before you figure out your taxes, before you know what you will getting back, before you make any plans with what will do with your tax return - CONSIDER GOD FIRST. Commit ahead of time to give 10% , a tithe of your tax return, to your church, before you even know how much it is. When you get your tax return; before you spend it on your bills, a new TV, a vacation or put it into savings, give 10% right off the top to God.

Then sit back and watch God bless! And as God blesses you, share your blessings with your Life Group and with me. I love to hear how God takes care of His children. I'm looking forward to hear how God is blessing you!

Remember, I love you!
Pastor Dave

Looking Back and Moving Forward at The River Church

If there is one thing that's true about church planting it that nothing stays the same for very long! Everything is always in a state of transition and you have to embrace being transition! That definitely been the case for our Ministry here at The River Church. Over the past year we have changed our location, our mission statement, our philosophy of ministry, and our strategy for reaching people for the Kingdom. Three key families came from sister churches to help us get started and they have since moved on. We started with three pastors all living on raised support and two have moved on as of the end of 2010. Our youth Ministry went through a change of leadership as we hired an intern in September who quit in October. We have since staffed the Youth Ministry with volunteers. Fortunately, and by the grace of God, we have fully embraced each and every transition!

We have seen small but steady growth every month for the past six months adding several new families and individuals who had previously been de-churched. Maybe the biggest change at The River is that we have embraced personal outreach by intentionally changing our world view to OIKOS: a paradigm through which a Christ-follower evaluates life, it’s purpose and events. The Greek word OIKOS translates to "extended family". God has given each of us our own little niche of humanity. Everyone has been given, on the average, anywhere from eight to fifteen people whom God has supernaturally and strategically placed in our relational world. God has placed these people in our OIKOS both for our benefit and for theirs; our benefit because we all need friends and their benefit so you can help them find their way to God. As we are in the process of understanding God's command to reach people for Christ, OIKOS has given us the intentional framework to reflect God's love to others. OIKOS help us see every relationship as a God given opportunity to reach others for the Kingdom of God.

We laid the OIKOS foundation of teaching in September and October and put it into action immediately. We initiated November as "Minute to Win It" month, taking about 3 minutes in our services to play a game for no other reason than pure fun! (Remember John 10:10; abundant life?) It was a huge hit! Also during November we started Friend Day, picking a specific day for everyone to bring a friend to church and our attendance that day grew by 50%! December we focused on Christmas. Our Chamber of Commerce sponsors "Eagle Country Christmas" in downtown Eagle where we had a booth giving away free hot chocolate and smore's. We had huge fire pit where people warmed themselves and "cooked" their smore's and we used that as an opportunity to invite them to our Community Christmas Eve service. Our attendance on Christmas Eve was up 20% from the previous year and we ended the year on a very positive note!

We excitedly looking forward to this what God will do at The River Church this year. Our focus through Easter is on spiritual growth and discipleship, while constantly keeping our eye on our OIKOS and who we can share our faith story with within our relational circle.

We appreciate your prayers for our continued growth; spiritually, numerically, and financially. Our biggest issue is finances. As a new church composed of previously de-churched and new believers giving is a sensitive subject. I will be teaching on giving once in January and once in February. I ask for your prayers in particular for these Sundays. We also face a new contract with the school district in March, which could see us looking for another meeting place; please pray for God's guidance and will to be done.

God bless you!
I love you!
Pastor Dave

How To Give An End Of The Year Gift To The River Church

We don't talk much about money at The River.

The River is a new church and we are supported by your gifts and donations and a few outside individuals and chuches who support our ministry and vision in church planting here in Eagle, ID.

Unfortunately as we draw near the end of 2010 we have financial needs that are going unmet. This week is the first time since we started the church that we are not be able to pay our bills and payroll on time. We would love to end the year in the black, but as of last Sunday we are behind in our budget by just over $10,000. We obviously don't owe that much as we have cut our budget to survival expenses but we do need $1,500.00 to pay our curent bills and salaries on December 15. If you would like to help us meet our needs this week there are a couple of ways you can do that.

You can use PayPal
Here are instructions on how you can make an online donation free of charge to The River using your PayPal balance or your checking account:

Step 1 Sign in to your PayPal account (if you don't already have a PayPal account you must open one).
Step 2 Select the "Send Money" tab.
Step 3 In the "To" box enter "pastordg@aol" (This is The River's registered email address).
Step 4 Enter the amount of your Donation.
Step 5 At the bottom of the box select the "personal" tab and then "gift" then select "continue".
Step 6 Verify information then select "Send Money".
Your money has been sent! The River is a 501(c)3 Religious Charitable Organization and all donations are tax deductible. Thank you for supporting the Ministry of The River!
Or for a small fee charged to The River (no cost to you) you may make a donation using your debit or credit card.

You may send a check using your online banking account
Simply make a one time payment to The River Church. Our mailing address is 2510 E. Brierfield Dr, Eagle, ID 83616.

Or you may drop off a gift at the above address
Just give us a call to make sure we are here first!

God bless you this Christmas season and thank you for your prayers and support!
Pastor Dave

Showing We Care - The River Christmas Offering, 2010

Dear River Friends and Family,

I am excited to share with you information regarding the SHOWING WE CARE! Special Christmas offering that begins now and runs through December 31st. Last year we raise $1,495.00. This year we increased our goal to $1,600.00.

As a new church in the Treasure Valley, we are committed to do everything we can to carry out the mission God has given us; “Helping people find their way to God and teaching them to become fully devoted followers of Jesus”. We are not looking for perfect people, in fact we say No Perfect People Allowed! Our community is not irreligious, it is packed with people who believe in God but have given up on the church for one reason or another. With this in mind we are a non-traditional, modern church for people who have given up on the traditional church, but not on God.

When we began The River last year, we determined to give our people the best opportunities available to discover what it means to become a fully devoted follower of Jesus. With this offering you have the opportunity to deepen your commitment to Christ, enlarge your ministry commitment and opportunities, and provide for the needs of others.

This offering is designated to: provide financial support for the hurting, hungry, and needy people in our area, our Children's Community Easter Outreach, Youth Camp Scholarship Fund, New Church Planting, and initial support for Ben and Tracy Slee - the newest Campus Crusade for Christ staff members at BSU!

I hope you will carefully look over the information about this exciting opportunity for us to give sacrificially. Will you join us and begin praying now about what God would have you give, over and above your regular giving, to our Special Christmas Offering? Allow God to stretch your faith!

Your Friend and Pastor,
Dave Griewe

The SHOWING WE CARE! Special Christmas Offering is a call to sacrificial giving with a goal of raising $1,600 for five specific ministry initiatives:

To share God’s love with our community by providing financial help to the hurting, hungry, and needy.

This year more people are suffering from unemployment and under-employment in our area than ever before. So we are partnering with the Eagle Community Food Bank to provide food, clothing, and finances to assist those families who are struggling. We will be collecting canned and non-perishable food along with good, clean, used clothing for both adults and children on December 12 and 19 at our Sunday services.

Children’s Community Easter Outreach.
Before we began The River we hosted an Easter Egg Hunt in the Lexington Hills Community. We put out over 3,000 plastic eggs filled with candy and prizes for the children. We had over 250 people attend this free event. This helped to develop a positive identity of The River and led to a successful Grand Opening Easter service. Last year we changed locations and we did not have time to plan for a successful community event. This year, with your help, we hope to develop a new Community Easter Outreach focusing on children.

To provide summer camp scholarships to help our youth go to camp.
Last summer our youth ministry took 8 students to summer camp in McCall. We provided half scholarships for almost every student making it possible for them to attend. This year our goal is to provide financial resources to send 15 students to camp.

To support New Church Planting in the Northwest and the Pacific Southwest.
Statistically the best way to reach non-churched and de-churched people is to start new churches. The River began with the financial support from individuals, churches, and organizations who are committed to new church planting. We want to be able to support and help other new church starts just as we were helped.

To provide initial financial support for Ben and Tracy Slee with Campus Crusade for Christ.
Ben and Tracy are the newest staff members serving Christ on the Boise State University Campus. Their objective is to WIN students to Christ; BUILD them up in their faith; and SEND them out to reach others for Christ. They reach students through one on one conversations, small group bible studies, and special events on the BSU campus.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Why a Special Offering?
As part of God’s plan to grow the faith of the people in His church, He calls us to sacrificial giving from time to time. This Offering is an opportunity for us to grow in our faith and to prepare us for what God wants to do through our church.

What is the difference between the Regular Offering and this Special Offering?
Your regular River offering is the proportional amount (your tithe of 10%) that you give on a regular basis to our church throughout the year. This Special Christmas Offering is one of those occasions where sacrificial giving stretches you and grows your faith. The special offering should be over and above what you give regularly to The River.

How much should I Give?
Since our goal is $1,600, this Special Offering has room for everyone to be involved. Some families within our church can give a large gift. Others are only able to give a small gift. The issue is not equal giving, but equal sacrifice. The precise amount you give is between you and God. Please prayerfully consider a sacrificial gift that will stretch your faith.

When should I Give?
The best time to give will be the next two Sundays. However, you may continue to give until December 31. Please use the “Showing We Care!” offering envelopes or indicate that your gift is for the Christmas Offering. Remember, consistent gifts over time adds up – a person giving $10-$50 a week over a five-week period will give $50 to $250 to this Special Offering!

Can I Give online via bank check, debit or credit card?
You may give online at RiverChristianChurch.com. Select the “about rcc” drop-down menu and click on “support rcc”. Then select the “donate” button. That will take you to our PayPal account. To donate by check online, you must have a PayPal account, otherwise you may use your debit card or credit card. You can also use your bank online payment option to send a check directly to the church. Simply mark in the memo area that your gift is for the “Showing We Care!” offering.

Can I Give In-Kind Gifts of Stocks or Bonds?
Of course! Since The River is a 501c3 organization there can be tremendous tax benefits for you by giving in-kind gifts.

Are My Gifts Tax-Deductible?
YES! The River is recognized by the IRS as a 501c3 charitable organization. All gifts are completely tax-deductible.